The Blacklist: Promised blogs which never came to be

Apparently I'm the politician of bloggers.

(Yeah, lame joke about how I promise to write certain blogs and never actually get around to writing them.)

Generally speaking, I have a difficult enough time convincing myself to sit down and write (anything) and when I do finally sense the impetus to spew forth my thoughts on this subject or that, the creative window presented to me is usually considerably limited (in scope and duration).

Upon reviewing my blogs to date I realized there were several (currently non-existent) blogs whose emergence was falsely foretold. I would like to address these oversights now. Not, necessarily, to write/right them, but to demonstrate, at the very least, that I did/will not.

December 23, 2008:
I promise "[a] particularly scathing discussion of the craptastic and adolescent-hormone-sucking - ha! - Twilight."

I still mull over the possibility of producing a good critical reading of Meyer's shitfest but I'm impeded by the awareness that submitting a scholarly article on Twilight is like feasting from the silver platter of critical fodder (ew, fodder-eating). It's just too easy to call it on not only its misogyny (which even the lamest of lame film critic seems capable of picking up on), but its unabashed and unapologetic racism (not to mention - as I have - its heraldry of the cult of marriage and all things heteronormative).

Basically I'm saying...don't expect a Twilight-centric blog post anytime soon.

December 24, 2008:
I mention that "complexities of life and personal admissions will have to make their way gradually into the contents of this blog."

I think I've largely drifted away from the personal, though a particularly tear-inducing, heartstring-pulling post is currently in the queue (another promise I will never fulfill?).

December 31, 2008:
I, for the second time, vow to produce a "post-length rant on Meyer and the four books that have made her a millionaire (possibly billionaire) and proved that hegemony is real."

See above. No way, José. (Am I just desperately attempting to claim critical intent to justify my having read all four of these damn books with such fervour?)

December 31, 2008:
New Year's had me spouting all the promises (apparently), like guaranteeing "a follow-up post that catalogues a list of female antidotes" to my almost entirely female list of trends of 2008 everyone should forget.

Off the top of my head:

5) Lady Gaga - The Asteroids Galaxy Tour or The Ting Tings. Two bands with hot, blonde, female leads who make me want to dance. And aren't ridiculous.

4) The Hills - The Guild, Felicia Day's webshow about RPG-playing nerds (now that's redundant phrasing if I ever heard it). While this streamer is technically not "reality" programming, let's be honest; anyone who would make a webshow about people who spend their lives on the web is creating from some measure of personal experience. Regardless, check it out.

3) War, etc. - Peace, etc.

2) Sarah Palin - Is Michelle Obama too obvious? No, she's too awesome.

1) Stephenie Meyer - Anyone who has ever written a book ever (male, female, primate...). Seriously. Pick one. Let's go with Marjane Satrapi because I just finished reading Persepolis 2: The Story of a Return and it was fantastic.

Bam, roasted.

March 12, 2009:
This post is pretty much dedicated to communicating how "[e]ventually I will take the time to discuss my Watchmen movie-going experience in-depth (and offer my thumbs up or down, if I can ever get the damn thing to stop hovering somewhere in the middle)."

The verdict? If pressured, thumbs down with the following, brief (in 150 words or less) justification:

Alan Moore (that crazy fuck!) was right: Watchmen functions perfectly as a graphic novel and Zack Snyder's attempt to reproduce (without [re]creating, [re]envisioning or [re]contextualising) seems redundant. Sure it was neat to see some of it 'in motion' (motion comic, anyone?) and Jackie Earle Haley rocked Rorschach (but Rorschach already rocked), but I can't help but thinking: if, as a film, the story inevitably loses the pastiche quality and all of the qualities, really, which made it so fantastic in the first place and no attempt is made to bring anything (new) to an already epic masterpiece then the question remains, WHY BOTHER? I can't really get mad at Snyder over his Watchmen because there's nothing really to get mad at. And this is, perhaps, the film's greatest flaw.

So there! I may have failed you (fairly consistently) in the past but I can sleep now knowing that attempts were made to remedy my former transgressions. That being said, there are currently three drafted posts awaiting their fate in my account. Their future (bouncing baby v. aborted mess), at this point, remains shrouded in uncertainty.